it's about letting go of what could have been
only holding on to the things that really matter
Stephanie
16 in Houston TX.
Myspace
I ♥ My Sissy
Oo
Friday, February 6, 2009, 3:06 PM
I found some more writing I did not long ago.FUTURE
So there you are, and here I stand. I was never good with words, but this moment can only be described as revolting. I hate you for this, making me do the dirty work. I hate you for making you hate me.
PRESENT
I start my drinking, the first glass of the night glows pink, fruity, and would make a humble woman shit faced in seconds. Start fading out. Begin this Scene. In walks the most amazing man I’ve ever seen. His eyes are azure.
We start to dance, I feel more like I’m in a prom dress than I’ve ever been.
Would you fuck me? Because I would fuck me…
You somehow make it seem so easy to be alive, but can you tell me how to live when everything inside is dead?
“Excuse me sir, I had plans to die tonight and you are getting in my the way.”
“Excuse me miss, but do understand what you have just said, and who exactly you said those words to?” and you reply, the man with the crooked smile, the man I would love to love.
“And I bet you are going to say it’s wrong-?” I Insist.
“Trust me girl, I know your legs can’t be itching for more. I offer you this easy choice, instead of dying, living with me?”
“Are you mad sir? You don’t even know my name. It’s Constance by the way.”
“I’m not interested in your stage name, Sugar.” And from then on my name was Sugar.
“Constance is the only name I’ve ever known.”
You switch the rules and I love it when you take advantage.
“Settle Sugar.“ Your lips are at my cheek. “-I know just how you feel. I know you like the party, but the party never stops, and nobody’s ever going to tell you no. But I want to, because I know you. Do you know I know you? Leave with me, because you will die tonight. Look at this right, you get this?”
“Alright, I give in. But you only have one night to prove you are better than this building.”
“You drive a hard bargain.”
I should know, really, that this could end, really.
I should know you’d never make it work.
Wake up. Let’s stop pretending.
At least pretend like you did know, really.
It’s not like you’re watching, so I go on and take a drink.
No matter how unbearable this misery gets, you tell me I’m yours.
And this is when I begin to follow you out of the front door.
HIS VEIW
You said I must be crazy,
But you’ve got looks,
You’ve got passion,
You’ve got me and somehow I’m used to this by now.
I belong to you if you can just let me feel.
If this is as easy as love is then I could be a hero for a day.
I’ve been waiting for you all my life, so I can be a hero for you.
I’m here with you, and I fear you’d go crazy if I left your side.
Just ten minute before I walked in that door you were about to jump,
And so complicated by hesitations, this is as easy as love goes.
HER VIEW
You pulled me closer,
One step after another.
You kept tugging on my shirt,
Out of tune, this isn't the way it was supposed to go,
No near romance, no, I’m petrified.
But I opened my eyes and saw what you’d done
Your skin is cold against mine.
I can feel you more than anything
And I feel weak, but you fit.
Now you say those things
Because you love how they sound.
-
Thursday, February 5, 2009, 1:54 PM
Kissing, as well as other romantic experiences in life, were not meant to be experienced while we were drunk or high or under any sort of influence that chemically changes our state of mind. God intended it to be sacred and meant for only two. Ever. It makes me sad see or hear about this happening with good people, it also makes me very sad and guilty to remember my past.Random, but I just thought I'd throw that out there.
Well... Damn,
Wednesday, February 4, 2009, 10:57 PM
More than just sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to. And fucking shit, it hurts to watch them go the opposite direction. Even forever later when you think it's all said and done, when you've left the past for something better, it still bites pretty hard, right there in your face too. At first for me, it was more of a remembrance of my old ways, of those sad days, and all the hurt and pain I gave up. I thought that was it, I really believe it will make me stronger, you think you're getting over getting over it and there it is again. This isn't just how much the hate burns inside of me anymore, a lot of it is, but thinking I was going to go down this one road of dirt and burnt buildings, giving in, convincing myself that this place could be my very own home and finally falling in love with such an unlovable path, after so much time... When I, for some reason only God knows, wind up passing close enough to look at that road... It's a lot like heart break . But hey, we hurt a lot in life, more than we really would believe to be bearable, I can do this. I can feel myself getting stronger, it hurts, like burning muscle during a workout, but it works. I thought in the beginning detachment was the key to forgetting such horrors. I guess I was wrong, it's back to haunt me and I never really faced it and now I'm suffering. Wow, I never really face it at all, I just forgot, for the baby's sake. Well.. :) great, heartbreak, the worst I have seen, is on it way. But I can do it, I've dealt with a lot more and this really is something small compared to the seas of hurt I have passed. It's not in my past though, this is something that will always be a part of me, like it or not, just because he's dead doesn't mean I won't remember every day. I'm facing it now, and I won't back down.If I'm somber
Sunday, February 1, 2009, 5:07 PM
The daily light outside our room turned onIn that hallway I can see failed attempts at love
Once was a spider hanging on that wall,
I leaned against it as I you roamed,
This was about the time our world began to fall
And every Tuesday I think about what's behind me
A sinking feeling with destructive thoughts wake me
Stiff tendons with no feeling, I might be braking
But the light outside is so dependable.